I Can't seem to get it over with

It's been more than a week now that I've made a very big decision of letting the baby in my womb go. It's kinda heartache but I've no choice but to listen to my gynae and numerous gyneas/ professor from K.L.
The pregnancy was unexpected as I don't intend to get preggy till next year. Last month, before going to Phuket for my holiday, I went to the pharmacy and bought "Noretristerone" to stop my period from coming as from my calculation, it is suppose to come on the 13th of April which is my flight to Phuket. The week before, I had some brownish stain showing that my period is coming soon. Not knowing that I was pregnant, I took the pills for 4 days while I was in Phuket. I was feeling like normal, infact more energetic than the 1st pregnancy. That makes me even less suspect that I am pregnant.
I immediately stopped the pill the moment I got back to Malaysia. I've waited for my period to come for about a week but still no sign of it. So, I've decided to buy a pregnancy test which showed a positive line. I got so excited and told hubby about it. The next day, hubby and I went to the clinic to confirm the pregnancy. Gynae told that I was 5 weeks pregnant and the baby's due in Dec. Another December baby for me....Later on, when I told my gynae about the medication I took and asked whether it'll harm the baby or not? From the look on his face, my heart shattered into pieces and I almost broke down in the clinic. He said I have to let go of the baby as the medication which I took causes side effect to the baby. The baby might be born handicap, hormones imbalance, etc. My gynae fixed an appointment for me on the 26th April for the abortion.
I've tried my level best to get other advices from other gynaes and professor since I've got 3 more days before the abortion. But, all came back with a negative answer. At last, I've no choice but to go for the abortion.It was hard for me to accept the fact but I just don't have a choice.It's either I continue and then later on make the baby suffer when he/she's born into this world or let he/she go back and stay with the LORD.
After the abortion, thinking that my MIL would take care of me by cooking all the nice confinement food for me. But I was wrong. Not even once she cook for me confinement food, that I had to ask hubby to bring me to a chinese kopitiam to ask them to fry ginger chicken with extra ginger for me, get the herbs myself and ask my maid to put it in the slow cooker for me, etc. I was lucky to have a colleague, which is like sister to me to boil some herbal soup for me after the abortion. I wish my mom was here for me. I wish that I am back at home in Kuching after the abortion. At least I've got my aunties to take care of me.
I am going through an emotional stress at the moment and can't stop thinking of what I've done. I am being touchy lately and often quarrel with hubby for a small tiny thing. Last week, I went to the extend of going to tell hubby that I needed some time off from our marriage but luckily, I got back to my sane self again and never do that stupid mistake. I've been very down lately and would broke down anytime when I thought of it or see any relative with a growing belly. I do hope that I'll be able to get through this problem fast or else I am going to go mad.
I kept consoling myself that I can get pregnant again after 3 months according to my gynae and I am still young. But I do hope, GOD will forgive me for what I've done......